Teach your nose to fuck

I have a wierd condition. Sometimes, when I'm sexually aroused my nose gets irritated and I sneeze once or twice. It's been happening since puberty. I always thought I was strange. But I recently googled sneezing when sexually aroused and I found only a few articles but several topics mentioning this on blogs and forums. It appears as if it is not so uncommon. So much for thinking I was unique.

Not very much research has been conducted on what they call sexually-induced sneezing. In a nutshell, the experts speculate that nerve pathways become crossed and when you get aroused some of the signals go to the nose and you sneeze. Another explanation is that the crossed signal goes to the nasal passage, which becomes engorged with blood, irritating the nose, thus the sneeze. This very humorous explantion of the condition.

Needless to say, my lovers quickly cottoned onto the fact that a sneeze could mean that I'm thinking of nooky, particularly in if sex is in the air. It usually happens during an event which could lead to sexual arousal, i.e. thinking or talking about having sex, heavy petting, watching porn. So they quickly learnt to put two and two together.

Apparently the condition is pretty severe in some cases, leading to bouts of severe sneezing and a runny nose. Others experience sneezing during or after orgasm. Luckily mine happen pretty rarely and only before sex.

So next step would be teach my nose to fuck, that could be quite kinky.

The Wank Chronicles

I'm sure everyone has wanked at least once in their lives. If not everyone, a great majority of people. I mean what do you do when you're laying in bed and your so turned on, you are still a virgin and your body is raging with hormomes? You rub one out (or off)? People don't talk about it, but they do it.

I love wanking; I have been doing it for many years, at least once a week, but most times three or four times a week. I started when I was about 13. I remember being alone at home, watching some movie. I got a hard on for some reason (I probably saw a chick on TV, remember, I was 13) and stroked my dick because it felt good. The more I stroked, the nicer it felt and the faster I stroked. And then, I ejaculated for the very first time, it was incredible and at the same time felt so weird! From that day I wanked as much as possible.

If you read my post about watching porn, you'd know that I discovered porn at a young age. When I could eventually wank, I wanked so much to porn that my balls were literally sore. I'd come probably 5 times in a row! Fuck, what I'd give to still be able to do that! Unfortunatley I did not have much access to porn (it was the 80s and porn was illegal in South Africa then) so I'd store porn images for access during subsequent wanks. I still use some of those images to this day!

I also discovered that there were different types of wanks. Wanks to porn felt different to wanks to images in my head or to nudie pics. To this day porn has an effect on my orgasm - having sex or wanking while watching porn results in a much more intense orgasm. I also discovered the wonders of wanking with lube - at first I used body lotion, but later discovered water-based lube. I am uncircumsised so when I wank without lube, I keep the forskin over my very sensitive head. But when I wank with lube then I pull back my foreskin and the stimulation of my lubricated hand over my cock head is just incredible and results in an extremely intense orgasm; so intense that I don't do it very often. I recently discovered anal play. Stimulation of the prostate (which is up your anus) while you wank or have sex results in incredibly intense orgasms; once again I only do this once in a while.

My wife has seen me wank - several times. Early on in our relationship, if I didn't have condoms, we would practise coitus interruptus - extracting the penis just before ejaculation. Very often I would extract too soon and would have to wank to finish off. My wife quite enjoyed this and watched with the greatest of interest. One or two times I have even masturbated for her, from start to finish, while she watched. I find it quite hot; I must be somewhat of an exhibitionist. She also finds it quite hot.

Even then, my wife and I do not talk openly about wanking. It appears as if she had masturbated as a teenager; she once told me she used to masturbate while in the bath - but she's pretty shy about it. She knows I used to wank a lot as a teenager. She has joked about me wanking on my own, for instance she'd jokingly tell me to stop waanking in the toilet, but I have never denied, nor confirmed it. Maybe one day we can be open about it. I would have no problem if my wife wanked; she has a dildo and a vib that I got her, but as far as I know, wehave only used them together.

That brings me to why most people don't like their lovers wanking; it brings up issues of insecurity. Am I not enough? Don't I please my partner? Who does he/she think about while wanking? Well, I have a much higher sex drive than my wife, so as a compromise, I wank. I could also screw other women. But I don't do that, I'm a one woman guy. And the issue of who do I think about/fantasise about when I wank? Well, it should not be an issue, because it's a fantasy just to help get you off. When I wank I sometimes use porn, but mostly I use the stored fantasies/images in my head. Inspiration for my wank fantasies are my wife (she has given me many many wank fantasies!), attractive women I know, past lovers, erotica and of course porn. I must admit that I almost never fantasise about other women or porn when I have sex with my wife; she is enough of a turn on to get me off. I may have fatasised about someone else being with us as in a threesome, but I don't imagine my wife is someone else.

Have I ever been caught wanking? Yes, once, by my brother, but he was verty cool about it. He made as if nothing happened and never takled about it.

So, I enjoy wanking, it does not affect my sex life, my work, in fact it allows me to last longer for my wife. So wank away those blues!

It’s all in the mind - an erotic story

That looks so hot! Stacy looked sideways at her man on the bed beside her. Jason was moving his hips slowly, his stiff, hard cock sliding in and out of the very wet pussy below him, a pussy that was not hers. Her man was fucking another woman. His eyes were focused on her, Stacy, on what she was doing, on what was being done to her.
Oh shit, it feels so good inside of me! She was on her knees, her upper body resting on her elbows; ass in the air, legs spread, her wet pussy grinding against the cock of another man behind her. Fuck, it feels so good! I’m fucking another man and Jason is watching! Stacy was the most turned on she had ever been. What they were doing now was so raunchy, so naughty, so dirty, and so fucking hot! The couples were laying head to foot, side by side and had a clear view of each other’s genitals from behind. That was the intention, too see as much as possible of what their partners were doing; a live sex show.
The view of Jason from behind was amazing. His balls swung as his dick slid into the vagina below him, his buttocks contracting with every thrust; a sight she had never seen before. I’m so wet! My cunt is so wet. Look at his beautiful cock fucking that wet pussy. Oh fuck I’m so horny! Stacy’s mind was racing, filled with hot, perverted thoughts, like it usually was when she was extremely aroused. I’m a horny slut and so is he – we’re all dirty, filthy, depraved sluts.
Stacy reached across to Jason and cupped his warm, swinging balls in her hand. He immediately leaned across and touched the edge of Stacy’s wet cunt, running his fingers up toward the swollen bud of her clit. Stacy moved her hand to the base of Jason’s shaft, feeling the wetness on his cock; not her juices, but another woman’s. Stacy felt another hand reach from behind, cupping one of her breasts, pinching a hard, swollen nipple between fingers.
Oh fuck, I’ve got two guys touching me right now! Two hot, sexy guys! Oh shit! Stacy looked at the woman Jason was having sex with. She was on her back, breasts bouncing as he thrust into her, her legs wide open, her hands clenching the sheet below her, her head turned toward Stacy and the man who was fucking her. She was watching her man fuck Stacy.
Stacy immediately felt her orgasm rise as a warm, tingling, burning sensation in her clit and all over her pussy. “I’m going to come!” Stacy said. The rule was that they only come with their own partners. The guy behind her immediately stopped thrusting and withdrew. “Me too”, he said. Jason and his partner were still going at it and as she watched him, Stacy could see Jason approach his orgasm; she knew him well.
“Come fuck me now!” Stacy ordered. Jason immediately pulled out and reached for her. Stacy turned around onto her back and spread her legs for him; wide open for her man, who, in a flash, was between her legs, and was shoving his hard, warm cock into her dripping pussy. Beside them the other couple was in their own ecstasy.
Stacy’s orgasm peaked as she rubbed her clit against Jason, and, as she looked across at the other couple she saw the guy’s semen squirting from his erect and swollen cock, onto the woman’s belly. She found this sight so erotic that she felt another wave of ecstasy sweeping over her. And again, and again until she felt she would burst.

Watching Porn Together

I like watching porn. My parents watched porn when I was a kid. To me it's pretty normal, porn that is. I remember as a kid of about 10 or 11 hearing these sounds coming from the TV in the living room; interesting, strange, scary sounds that also excited me. I remember searching in my dad's cupboard while my parents were out. I just had to see what these people were up to in these videos. I had heard about sex from other kids, my older brothers, teachers and I knew the sounds I had heard from the living room were the sounds of people having sex. I had also heard these sounds coming from my parents' bedroom, late at night, but we will rather leave it right there...

I eventually found a video and stuck it in the Betamax. What appeared before me was so amazing, so exciting. Naked people, doing naughty things. Men with huge stiff, willies. Ladies sucking them. Ladies with big boobs and hairy fannies. Men licking fannies, women licking fannies. Men sticking their stiff willies into wet, hairy fannies. Remember, it was the 80s, there was a lot of pubic hair in the porn back then. People doing things that I never imagined people could do! I was hooked.

Over the years I have watched porn with mates. I remember being the one who stood at the video machine, doing the fast forwarding to the cool parts, while my one friend watched out for my parents, and the others watched the movie, totally enthralled. I remember watchhing porn with mates in high school, after school. My older brother also had porn, and he made it available to me to watch at the age of about 13 or 14. But I had never watched porn with a girl before.

I had a girl friend in high school who was a drum majorette. The one night a few of the drummies (including my girlfriend) had a girls night and watched porn. I remember arriving at the house to pick my girl friend up. The girls were still watching the movie and I walked into the midst if this, the only guy. I actually felt a little shy; I though how should I react, should I watch with them? I acted all cool, glanced at the TV, got my GF and walked out. Thinking back now, I should have joined them in watching. It could have resulted in something. I'm pretty sure there wasn't a dry panty in the house. And my GF was pretty wild...

The next time I watched porn was with the girl who is now my wife. She was 19 and I was 23. We accidentally stumbled onto a channel on the TV on which my brother and his wife were watching a porno movie. My wife looked pretty keen to watch and so we watched. And the movie made us pretty horny, so we did what horny people do.

We have joked about that time pretty often over the years. Over the last few years I have been looking at ways to add some extra spice to our already amazing sex life. I read blogs, web sites, articles and one of the recommendations was to watch porn together. I knew there was some dodgy porn out there, so I looked around for something similar to the movies I watched in the 80s; with a corny story line and pretty vanilla (compared to these days) sex. I noticed that several porn production companies were making movies aimed at couples and women; this appears to be a pretty big market into which the porn makers are only tapping in pretty recently. Porn has always been made for men. But the table is turning.

Anyway, so I brought up the subject with my wife, jokingly saying that I was going to get us a porno movie to watch. She was game, so I ordered a movie. The first movie was pretty soft, so we got something more explicit. We enjoyed that and got a few more movies.

After a few misses and a few hits, we have come to a consensus on what we like and don't like. We both like a movie with a story line, naughty, hot sex (group, anal etc). We don't like very long sex scenes. My wife does not like ejaculation on the face, or come swapping. I don't mind it, actually it does nothing for me, so I don't care if it's there or not. We don't like violence, sleaziness, abuse or any weird stuff where someone gets hurt. I like movies where women are pleasured, are in charge of their sexuality, and aren't treated as objects to be masturbated onto.

So, how has porn affected our relationship? It has brought us closer in a sense. I enjoy watching porn, I think sex is a natural act, like breathing, eating, sleeping. I abhor the way sex is made to be this negative, sinful thing that only dirty, immoral people do. It is very liberating to me that my wife feels the same way I do about porn. We were both brought up as Christians, my wife is part of a pretty conservative community, where sex is considered dirty, immoral, something never talked about, something done only for procreation. Luckily my wife was a rebel, she believes sex is for pleasure. We both believe in complete monogamy, we will never bring anyone else into our sex life. Sex is a bond between us. But we also feel that people have the right to have mutiple partners, as long as it is consensual, safe and no one gets hurt. So my wife and I watching porn together allows us to be completely open with each other. I love the fact that I have a collection of porn movies in my cupboard and I don't have to hide them from my wife. I love the fact that she also gets turned on by porn. I love the fact that she is open to trying new and exciting things (within our agreement of total monogamy). We are open about our fantasies. It is extremely liberating.

I have an acquaintance who's wife is very conservative, actually she's a prude. They don't have sex very often, she never undresses in front of him, they only have sex in the dark, no foreplay, only missionary. He has resorted to watching pon because he gets so little sex. The man is horny and thats his only release. So she saw the browser history and saw where he had been. Now he is in deep shit. These two are in such a deep need of therapy...